Droplets of rain fall from the darkness of the night, it is so quiet here. Pin drop silence. Even the breathing sound can be heard. It came all of a sudden. That kind of feeling once again. I hate it. But I just couldn’t control it. It started to conquer me slowly and slowly and then took full control of me once again. It comes more often recently. Can’t be prevented . neither could it be halted. So frequent it came that my fragile soul almost rupture completely from its strong fist.
Stepped into kmm yesterday, which was one of my alma mater… the feeling was nostalgic. Yup. You’re right. Everything is the same. Except the feelings and the people. Emotional…I do not know how to describe it but everything brings memories back to me and it was just so sour.. to the deepest of my heart. No one was there anymore. 1 year. It slipped past so fast.. I couldn’t imagine I’d done so much in jus one short year.
Miss hazel was right. I totally lost myself. My self-confidence. I’ve lost it. I do not know what I’m doing recently. And can’t even make simple decision or right choice. For example. I went the wrong way in lrt cause I sat the wrong direction. This was never gonna happen to me in the past. But it happened. Recently. Many things happen. The hardest of all. Yup. The DONKEY.. I’m no longer what I’m in the past. Hard I found a way to pick myself back during my matrix life after 2007 tragedy.. but who expects. So early in 2008.. I was hit hard again. Rock bottom is the best way to describe myself
Even miss hazel said I look pale . much pale. And much weaker compared to last time. In the sense of emotionally and physically.. mental strength.. zero..
This few days.. I tried hard to concentrate. To study. To memorize. To gulped up everything I’ve. But I was jus to distracted. My roommate is a great pleasure and pressure at the same time. Accommodation problems.. soul problems.. I can’t study like last time. Sitting down for hours memorizing and enjoying the jubilation after those few wonderful hours.
I can’t.. 2nd test is next Friday.. how?
Can I find myself back?
It remains a mystery…