Thursday, October 30, 2008

got tagged.. haha. whatever..
1. What's your ambition?
to be a great doctor full of empathy and sympathy

2. Do you believe happily ever after?
no. but i'll try my best to achieve it

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
never. never. aappreciate your life man.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
high and great

5. How many babies you want?
wow. tough question.. depends to my FUTURE wife.. haha

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
yup. but only in special times. and it will be more special if you are with special one

7. What is your goal for this year?
43goals. one more than ronaldo.kaka. just kidding.
get good results academically n physically

8. Do you believe in eternity love?

9.What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)
love me

* 10. What feeling do you love most?
peace and calm

11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
honest and a true heart. there anything you wanna tell the ppl you hate ?
i love u..=P

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
yes. as long as possible

14.What does flying means to you?

15.What do you crave for the most currently?
results. excellent academic results

16. If you're given super power, what do you wish for?
world peace . no disaster. no sickness. no sufferings

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
kind hearted. good friend. diligent

18.What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?

19.What will u become in another 10 years to come?
doctor. a great one.

20. What is your fear?

Instructions: Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

appreciate- you may not had second chance

What is the meaning of life?
Why do we exist?
what is the purpose of human existence in this world?
Do we really have a mission or a task to do?
Or just simply exist to complete the livings things in the Earth?
Life is so fragile..
We are born. We grow up. We have our dreams. We set out sights. We make our goals. We strive to achieve it.
No matter what happens, the same conclusion appear.
We leave this world.
How many people who can really achieve their goals before they left?
Not everyone.
It is ultimately true.
Some may not even has the chance to see the fruits of his effort and he left.
Some. Even worse. May not even have the chance to strive.
Fate is cruel.
Life is cold blooded.
We may be reaching the peak of our life and all of a sudden a downturn happened and we drop ravine deep.
We may think we are in the best of form and suddenly every bad luck struck like an uncontrollable epidemic
We are in the greatest moment of life but suddenly fate play a trick on us and we lost our loved ones.
How can life be such cruel? Without any sympathy and empathy and any feelings.
Life is cold blooded. But humans are warm blooded.
Well. Speechless.
It is fate and nothing we can do on it.
Not even the great human being. We can’t fight god. We can’t fight fate. We can’t even really fight cancer.
Life is really brief
Anything can happen
So unexpected
So sudden
So unpredictable
It is so scary.
It was just like yesterday I met her.
And all those nice moments
She is a good mother.
A kind hearted human
So fast
So abrupt
So sudden.
Not even having the chance to bid farewell.
i still remember the way u called my name
i still remember the spagetti you cooked for us
i still remember your smile. your healthy and jovial face.
i ....
why must it be you?
why life is so cruel?
why is this happening?
so short
so young
so fast
so brief
it is totally unacceptable.

Never will I forget the moments we’d gone through together.
Thank you for everything..
Didn’t realize tears can be shed for her too.
Empathy perhaps Dr would be?
The deepest condolence I bid to him
A very heart full of sympathy and empathy.
Be strong my friend.
Fate is cruel but we are always with you.
4 zhi.
Yong bu yan bai.
Rest in peace..

p/s : love your parents and everyone beside you. you may not has much time with them left. take this opportunity to say..
mum dad i love u..
Final is looming and the feeling is starting to haunt him..
What feeling?
Haha.. definitely not agony or depression anymore..
It is worry now.. a lot to worry
And sure
He has a point to worry..
His performance since entering medical school has not been so promising .
And well.
He is not very hardworking.
Not hardworking enough compared to others.
And guess what..
He has not even started his revision.
Still struggling to do pbl and other homework..
Coping with current lecture has also been a huge mountain to climb for him.
And.. hmmm..
There something that he found out..
Secondary school : among the best in Ipoh
Matrix : among the worst in Malaysia
Currently : among the top in Malaysia
No wonder he felt so hard to keep up with those people around him. And also keep up to the billing..
Seems like more effort are needed.
But after having honeymoon year in matrix. Will he rise up to occasion again?
Need so hard work Jacquez..

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


shocked !! good experience.. wow.. awesome.. be better prepared next time.. or else. dead meat.. precise and concise.. that's the key..

actually... have another feeling.. this kinda awkwar and weird feeling..
can't really describe it. but try my best to voice it out.
recently. undoubted.. happy is the major feeling.. but sometimes. some mixed feelings still stirred up inside my stomach..
had rejected pap mc role.. very free. happy.
refuse to join new activities..happy..
do want involve any more. very happy..

today went to swimmin club water carnival meeting..
accidentally joined..
but ended up really happy. very very happy coz can discuss those activities and plan programme. i am the exco programme..
in fact, found out that i'm happy with responsibility and activities to participate..
thes few days.. really seldom joined weekdays..
for lunch or dinner..
felt that relationship is distancing..
never had we really have a meal in full force..
quite miss them just now during dinner though with you..
and so elated when meet them..
got excited to relate my csl experience to them
now only realise i didn't really relate my csl experience to you personally..
weird huh..
suddenly miss life in a group..
just now see hau wei they all one group f6 so happy..
so envy..
hmm... dunno how to really relate out my feelings..
wanna be in big group.. very happy like tat..
183.. 7 fa..

but happy also in now life..
only sometimes miss a big gang..
talking nonsense..
hate nov 8
hate it..
let it be
humans. do humans really stride forward?
or will they move backwards?
the more you step ahead..
the further you left behind..
it's true..
are you really not looking back?
sometimes somewhere some moment.
take a short break..
and turn to look what's left behind you..
i meant it..
you found out you've left something behind..
you reach out for it...
you want to pick it..
you tried to grab hold of it..
as you strive harder..
you seemed further from it..
further.. further and further..
slowly sliding away..
fading away..

when you turned your head back forward..
it appears in front of you again..
what an irony..

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

i'm speechless.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Depression.. is it a sickness that cannot be cured? It is hard to be explained. He has been living happily for the past few weeks.. suddenly all problems seemed haunting him again, hitting him hard like a solid stone, stabbing deep into his heart creating unwanted agony, causing unbearable sour feelings. I do not know what is in his mind. He has said it hard and confirmed that he does not want. No. I very certain no to take up that role. And he also break out when he related his perception to his very good buddy. But, in the space of 24 hours, he changed his mind again. Yup, he is right. His sifu is right. It is almost impossible to control yourself and not be what you are. To be a person with a personality that does not resembles u is certainly a tough nut to crack. He is not his roommate. Both are different individual with different personality. He can’t follow him everything. Not involving in ANY activity maybe normal for his roommate but not for him. He certainly can’t accept that type of life. He is born like that. Nurtured that like. How can u ask someone so active like jacquez to keep himself inside his shell? To hide himself inside his room everyday.
Reality checks.. came the day when all his close friends got job to do. Let it be ajk or exco. But him? Left with what? Nothing to do. This is what he ask for. Free and easy. Relaxing lifestyle. Not bound by any commitment.. but. Is he happy? NO.. it certainly a strong negative answer. End up, he began searching for job to do. But what happen? He is not satisfied with the job available. He is certainly an idiot. Walking idiot. Stupid human with crazy thinking and an eccentric mind.
Recently. Really a lot problems. I agreed there are happy moments. But it comes with a price. And the price maybe too high. I miss kmm. I miss 183. I miss 7 fa. I miss c222 I miss baka.. I miss our base. There is no turning back. I’ve reach the point of no return.
Those who have fostered close friendship with me in kmm, perhapshc n ms.. maybe u all did realize something.. why I am not as enthusiast as before in organizing activities for weekdays compared to the past where I spent every heart and soul just to gather 183 n 7fa together? Maybe bcoz u all wanna say I have new target. But long before I have it I was already lost my enthusiasm in forging friendship. Sorry. I’m certainly in very bad mood now if my words hurt anyone I apologize.
I’ve done many mistakes since I came here. Compared to when I was in matrix. Hurting people feelings such as my buddy, not caring people feelings, my sifu. Playful flirtful stingy. And whatever. Even the simplest of mistake like getting into the wrong way of a lrt station also become a norm to me now. It never happens before.
Ya I’m still the same old me now. Proud arrogant zhi lian. But lack one quality. Confidence. Realld really very unhappy.. all problems came visiting like hari raya open house. Irresponsibility cause troubles to my buddy, not respecting caused sifu to be unhappy, my mood caused my friends around me to be moody too and my tangled up brain made myself very upset.
Si fu, you are right. I’m no longer the person I once was. I do not know how this could happen. Do you know I really felt very sad and sorry when u sent that message to me. I’m sorry. I don’t want to but I’ve done that mistake. I’m sorry. You’re right. I can only truly be myself when I’m with 183 and 7 fa. I’m sorry for other gangs here supporting me always and helping me. I do not know what to do. Your words truly speak out my heart. The very moment I finished reading that small note, I almost could not contain myself and wanted to shed tears. You’ve pointed it right what I felt the most. I can’t find myself back. Since the disastrous module, or maybe since the very day I stepped out from st. I’m no longer the very great jacquez once I thought I was. Confidence is low. Self esteem is zero. I’ve tried everything I can. To be happy. To be strong. To strive. To YONG BU YAN BAI>,,

No. I can’t. it is time to take the yong bu yan bai tag off from me. The words no longer suits me. No point hanging something which is not practical beside ur mouth always .

Thursday, October 9, 2008

a letter of apology

hey..y not u try go for audition?
har..? i'm not really gd one wo..
never mind. just have a try..u won't get any consequences also ..
ok.. then i'll go. it's ok..

few weeks later..
congratulations. you are chosen to be the mc..
what?!! oh my god. die..
butterflies in my stomach
how how how.

end up..
i'm sorry..
i know i'm not responsible.
hopefully everything will turn out well for u all..