I do not know where to start. But I should start from here. 16 august 2008. Jacquez wake up with energy and full of strength after a night long rest. He on his phone. And saw many unread messages. He was delighted. His buddy messaged him to be strong. His conflict with his friend has been solved finally and they can be as close as last time. He thought he has overcome it. He has full enthusiasm and desire. To stand up again. To fight back. To build back the reputation he once have. Yet, what has he done the whole day? He has only managed to study one small piece of paper. And the other things he did was wasting time. The same old him. Never tend to change even after his results is D..if u can’t see it clearly or you thought there is an error in typing. Then I’ll repeat. He got a D for his exam.. Try imagine. A person with such a track record of academic excellence, getting this type of results in his exam, how can he accept it? This is the reality. No matter how he still has to accept it. The results is out. He can’t denied it. What is happening to him? Put the blame on involvement in co-curricular activities? But there are somebody as busy as him and yet managed to score an excellent B in the exam. Why can’t he?
Today went jogging with one of my closest pal in university. Though he is not a good runner, he is terrific. Couldn’t even reach the footsteps left by him on the pathway. Another close friend of mine, a gold medalist. Predict him to be a great ping pong player one day if he has the chance. Congrats to him for just getting the gold medal in SUKEM. And another friend, a kind person, a runner too. Got medal in the same sukem competition. All of my friends are great people in sports and also pass their examinations with flying colours. But what can I do? I am not good in sports, neither I’m good in studies now. I felt that I’m so useless.
i'm nothing now. once a person with such a high determinaton and self esteem, a person with so much power and strength, a person with so much WILL and enthusiasm, now he felt like a walking corpse again. cry is the only thing he managed to do yesterday. for the whole day. from noon till night. a reminiscent of the time when his spm results are out.tears kept on flowing. he just couldn't hold the disappointment and sadness in his heart.he sobbed and cried non stop. the grief inside his heart is unbearable. he struggle to contain himself. he stopped for a moment. yet. he lost and agaony took full controll of him again. for 3 hours. weeping and sobbing full his room with the atmosphere of sadness.
He is very angry of himself. cause he didn't perform well. and he has lost his dignity. the worst of all chinese in ukm. how can he accept it? how can he meet people anymore? especially those who are close to him. he just couldn't have the face to meet them. he felt he is so useless. so small now. A typical melancholic. a perfectionist.
one day has passed. he thought everything is over. his buddy his senior keep on telling him formative assesement is nothing. it is not everything. he think he has let it go. but dunno from where and how. the agony suddenly struck his heart again. and tears flow out the eye again...