going back in few hours time. and i love everything about ipoh.. just everything. thank you very much. will miss here .. friends and food and family.. good luck everyone.. have a great 2 month break.. happy time. roller coaster drive at night and crazy swimming lesson plus scrumptious food.. fantastic movie and great steamboat .. durians. trips and holidays..all the best thing i'd in 2 months time.. looking forward again. roaring loud and coming back to class..
^^

time moves fast. as soon as we just blinked our eyes.. 2 months have gone. indeed it was so fast that i barely able to recapture what had i done for the past weeks. 2 months gone and we are going back. back to where we stride our 1st step in uni life.
one year gone and the 2nd yr is anticipating us.. it is reality that it'll be much tougher than the first.
then. all of a sudden.. they came across my mind.. as the going gets tough.. the tough gets going. will i be tough enough? will we be tough enough? how many of us will win the merciless battle this time? by hook or by crook... we must win. as the future is laid there. just a few footsteps away..
new life.. new hope .. new determination..
it's time.. revenge of the fallen..
haha..

time moves fast.. as fast as adrenaline surged through one's blood when he is on the verge of death.. and suddenly..
i hate it. disconnected again..
arghh..!! what a bad connection i have here.. streamx useless...

grief
pain
sorrow
hurt
all hit like a hard rock
on this fragile soul
once again..
it breaks into pieces..
one year wasted
nothing done
nothing gain..
a grass by the roadside
sigh..
life's meaningless
efforts splashed..
agony soared..
speechless
it's time to give up..
wondering..
what will happen next
YOU ARE JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH !!!
ADMIT IT !!
YOU are not brilliant !!
you are not great !!
you are not anybody !!
nobody..

shame and guilt..
it all filled you up now..
how can this happen to you..
a year on..
and..
what had u acheive..?
nothing
nothing at all..
do you know..
365 days are a huge amount of time spent.
and yet..
you gain nothing..
except..
pavillion..
time square..
bkt bintang..
petaling street..
sunway..
malacca..
genting..
and lots of money wasted..
u are such a useless pick of dead wood..
your presence does not have any meaning..
and you failed everything..
your parents..
your family..
your friends..
you are no longer yourself
or you are not yourself either..
hide yourself ..
in your past shadow..
keep yourself..
in the darkness of grief..
you owe everyboday an explaination..
you are such a disgust..
such a shame..
don ever show your face..
don ever shown up yourself..
you are useless..
you are nothing..
you are a rotten dead meat..
thj..

empty..
i started wondering.
whether i'm who i am.
i still could not find my lost self.
and i don't know how.
so many years on,
i am still searching for it.
and i can't.
and find the very pertinent element
and it seemed that it has to be eternal.
i doubt myself..
i hate myself..

life..
seemed to be cruel
to mankind..

reality
seemed to be harsh
to me..

whatever..
i lost my words..
i lost myself..

i surrender..
i give up...

close fail..
end case..
the end..

i don't know what else to utter..
disgust disgrace...
i hate it..