Wednesday, March 4, 2009

gazing at the sky once again

As i gaze through the pitch dark sky of the night in KL, i realize something.. it has been a long time since i last do this.. and my friends maybe will notice, many months had passed since i started my blog with this type of phrase.
The reason i 1st started to write blog is to spill my feelings out and to reduce the grief inside myself, and now. It seemed that i need to write again for this purpose. Luck is very fair to everybody, so do happiness and agony. Long has it be since agony last came visiting my soul, and the colonization of happiness in my cardiac muscle had given me much wonderful experience is my past months.
Really get upset with things recently, was trying hard to cover it up.. but as u cover more, the more it’ll be exposed. The stronger to try to hide it, the tougher you feel. I’m very tired , very tension and stressed out.. enough of everything that is happening beside me.
Gone are the days where i like to spill out my feelings to everyone beside me. Now, it seemed hard to share my soul with people. Becoming more passive and pessimist, it is certainly not a good sign as a fragile soul cannot sustain much tension and stress. There is always a limit to everyone.
I’ve many things want to voice out but I cannot said it out here because I know once I’d lashed it out it will be game over for everything. What I can do now is bear with it and do my best to maintain what I have now.. problems arising from family, friendship, society , organization.
Everything is so much, everything is different from before. Day in day out. Things changes, feelings ripen and fade off. It is inevitable that many things are not eternal. I wanted to said out how I feel but I can’t. I do not want to hurt feelings and do not want to jeopardize things further.
Life is fragile. People get old easily and heath become a tantalizing issue soon. Age soon will ripe us out of everything we have. The glory, the power, the strength, the demure. Envy is also a force that come calling us to the ravine of hatred, anger and frustration. I do now want it to end like this.. IT..
Tears is a good helping secretion from human body that can help us reduce agony n grief. But even now, I found out that I’d lost it. I’d lost grip on many things that once become the stronghold of mine. It is so loose. Everything changes so fast.. even my tears.. I’ve lost the power to control it. the power to spill it out from my eyes when I’m in grief.. I can no longer control things around me.. it is so abstract.. it is going to go soon. It is going to fade soon.. it will be leaving me soon..
What is it? only my heart can tells..

4 comments:

joonyi said...

"I’ve many things want to voice out but I cannot said it out here because I know once I’d lashed it out it will be game over for everything."
sigh..... same here....

kee tat said...

what happen to u wo?
can tell me de..last time ESZ,u also shared your feeling with me..but after u got "her",thought u find another one to spill out your feeling..
when you need a person to talk to,find me anytime..

-y3an- said...

hope u r alrite. u noe, u can rely on her. =)

Jp said...

What happen to 183?
What has become of us?
Is it not us that have help each other during KMM?
It is not us that share the glory and pain together?
Time and space may have pullen us apart,
But the only thing that can really pull us apart is our own hearts
Come back to us if all fail
And regain the strength that will pierce through any mail...