hen fan hen fan hen gui shi fan. know this blog has no reader anymore after being left dormant for so many years. but i just couldn't find any way to spill out my feelings. my idiot feelings. one will even laugh at me when reading this blog. this stupid thinking.

he has been emotional all these days. since the day of the biggest shock
biggest shock in his life.
just couldn't find a way how to start to write this blog.

swim he has swam. jog he has jogged. gym he has gymed. and he even learn a new martial art- muay thai
but he just couldn't hide his feelings, couldn't forget the feelings. he knew that there is nothing wrong with people around him. just his mind. his mind is all the fault.

he tried to forget it but he just couldn't. do  not know what to describe this as. reality check? friendship setback? a setting for a small kid to grow up?

but he just couldn't understand. how come he just be a clown, a clown that make people laugh at him, that make people feel nauseated receiving his message, feel awry reading his sms. feeling wanting to run away looking at him.

friendship is nothing, but just a piece of sheet. as thin as a sheet, it can be torn, can be wet by water, can be coloured by colors... but he has failed in his friendship. his friendship is just a piece of shit.

what for going the extra miles for your friend, when noone will remember you, what for thinking so much of them, when noone ever think of you. what for ?

how is it? being betrayed. not to say betray, but being promised and promise is just forgotten. it was like...
just couldn't understand why he has to think so deep,. think so much.

just utter your anger here, unleash all your pain. be like others, don care for others, no need to help when they need, no need to think extra, no need to go the extra mile. what for?

as it is not worth it. just not worth it. not worth it..