suddenly thought of this page. after almost 10 years missing in action.

hen fan hen fan hen gui shi fan. know this blog has no reader anymore after being left dormant for so many years. but i just couldn't find any way to spill out my feelings. my idiot feelings. one will even laugh at me when reading this blog. this stupid thinking.

he has been emotional all these days. since the day of the biggest shock
biggest shock in his life.
just couldn't find a way how to start to write this blog.

swim he has swam. jog he has jogged. gym he has gymed. and he even learn a new martial art- muay thai
but he just couldn't hide his feelings, couldn't forget the feelings. he knew that there is nothing wrong with people around him. just his mind. his mind is all the fault.

he tried to forget it but he just couldn't. do  not know what to describe this as. reality check? friendship setback? a setting for a small kid to grow up?

but he just couldn't understand. how come he just be a clown, a clown that make people laugh at him, that make people feel nauseated receiving his message, feel awry reading his sms. feeling wanting to run away looking at him.

friendship is nothing, but just a piece of sheet. as thin as a sheet, it can be torn, can be wet by water, can be coloured by colors... but he has failed in his friendship. his friendship is just a piece of shit.

what for going the extra miles for your friend, when noone will remember you, what for thinking so much of them, when noone ever think of you. what for ?

how is it? being betrayed. not to say betray, but being promised and promise is just forgotten. it was like...
just couldn't understand why he has to think so deep,. think so much.

just utter your anger here, unleash all your pain. be like others, don care for others, no need to help when they need, no need to think extra, no need to go the extra mile. what for?

as it is not worth it. just not worth it. not worth it..

happy day.. 090909... weekdays forever.. =)

183- A LEGEND NEVER DIES

b4 i hate that.. i was a very memorable day spent. with the wonderful gang of my life.
183. thank you. you all really made me roll down my memories back to the life of matrix.
the time where we enjoy and enjoy and enjoy only.. no worries and problem. nothing to be feared of..
just happiness, days and days .. not like life here now..
fight struggle fight struggle.. arrogance. bad attitude. IRRESPONSIBLE..
i wonder..
how would my ukm life will be..
if my housemates are 183? it would be wonderfull. wouldn't it?
we have a leader..
we have a spiritual leader..
we have a non stop working ketua perpaduan..
we got a happy go lucky joker..
we have an emo and full of fellings de ronaldo..
we have a blur manager..
i miss u all so much..

last night . was indeed one of the best time since i started 2nd yr.
life was full of thorns since we stepped back into ukm..
studies getting harder and attempting to choke me everyday with its merciless knowledge.
begging to be absorbed into my brain.. as a consequence.. no night has been filled with satisfaction.
5am.. 2am.. 7 am.. 4am.. u name it.. all weird time to wake up and sleep..
but still. it is not enough!!! stive and study.. still got the damm bad B or C approaching..
where is the A!!!!!

and then next... is the non stop activities of UKM .. persiap amsa persiap amsa.. when i was in 1st yr. i thougt that i can rest after i got enough merits . coz 2ND YR NO NEED MERIT..
and i was wrong. once again.. hurdles and more hurdles hit me in every activities..
and the stupidest thing is i cant controlled myself getting crazy or participating in activities...

and h1n1 came to hit my activites..
and my studies too..
ended up compact compiled and drowning for air and relaxation..
i gonna faint soon..

but what's next after fainting? u wake up and have to face the reality..


so finally god came blessing with all those hard work.. and finally i can meet with them again..
MY BROTHERS.... who REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I THINK WHAT I WANT AND HOW I FEEL..

we gather at 4pm(tentatively) but as usual.. 183 SUPER DUPER LATE ON TIME struck again. and i expected it.. =) BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THEM.. and so.. they arrive at 6pm. so narrowly miss out on hc.. our plan changed and changed. and the programmer..thj., stretched his brain till the limit... luckily he was assisted by the mature and decisice tqh.. (as usual).. and soon we managed to give hc a BIG SURPRISE and she was relly happy. can see it from her smile..

soon we proceed to setapak and have our MATRIX STYLE STEAMBOAT again.. maggi. sausages./. crabstick.. chic balls.. all cheap cheap food and unhealthy..
but this time more modern a bit. we added some delicious mouth watering food from setapak as well.... and we ate ate te ate so happily.. chat n chat.. till the wee hours of morning. 3am.
and we go suppper..
4a.m.. we go left 4 dead..
WHAT?!!!
YUP 183 is in craze of left 4 dead too..
but pity those 2 gf. they have to wait for us n felt asleep there...
till7am..
and that was a night well spent.. a night of rememberance..
i felt tired..
exhausted.. and naussea.. lack of sleep n rest..
but deep inside my heart.. i smiled.. ONE BIG SMILE.. really for my 183 friends..

i know and i accept. that now life will never be as matrix.
no bed of roses nor 183 to be with u always.. we have all our problems.. we have troublesome ppl around us.. hard to fullfil task awaiting us .. merciless studies torturing us..
but it is always those memories that drive me to move forward.. looking forward for our next gathering.. it is the best time to flex our muscle and relax..


YOU GUYS LIGHTENS UP MY LIFE. EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO EXTRA MILE FOR U.. IT WILL NEVER BE A GRUNT FROM ME AS I BELIVES.. BROTHERS HAVE NOTHING TO LOST BUT EVERYTHING TO GAIN..


thank you.. it was one of the best time i had. we strive and work hard n fight.. and struggle.. all in our own uni and place..
but we gather again after a long fight.. this are what brothers for..
and those far apart.. the spirits always burn..

183.. A LEGEND NEVER DIES

i don like this... pls be responsible

friend

as the dawn approching, i felt a sense a vivid feeling that struck me all of a sudden, from nowhere...



night really brings us into the mood.. especially late nights..

read something somewhere.. and something out of nowhere appeared in my heart..



i felt.. that i'm lucky..



that is the word. lucky..

lucky to have you all beside me..

all these while..

striding through the patchy road in front of me.

climbing hills passing ravine..



try think of a situation..

you and your friend go out to a place to play.

a group of friend i mean..

and then. half of you went to a place..

the other half go to another place..

then all of you will meet in a restaurant for dinner...



so.. some will go there 1st definitely.. some will be late..

how about this...



a ask b to go there 1st to book the placa and sit there wait.. if not scare no place d...

then b says ok.. then a go enjoy himself.. themselves i mean..



then b wait.. wait.. wait.. wait.





clock ticks.. they waited..





























and waited..





























and waited..

























1 hour gone..































1 hour and 7 minutes gone.





















ok.. here is the question. if you are b .. what will you think and how is your reaction?



(a) angry, scold them

(b) angry but keep it.. keep quiet.

(c) ok with it but critisice them..

(d) ok with it but shoot them..









ya.. most ppl think d is the best answer..





but guess what happened...



























a reached.. apologize profusely..... b reaction was...





























nvm nvm.. I SCARE THEY ASK US TO LEAVE ONLY...



u know what it means?

b does not say..nvm nvm.... BUT I FEEL VERY AWKWARD LO.. SIT HERE SO LONG EVERYBODY LOOKING AT ME..



instead.. b just scare HE HAS TO LEAVE..



which means a cannot eat there..







great people speak greatly..


true friends speak for u...



thank you .. my friend..





p/s : next time try sing k la.. fun n crazy.

exam approaching..
ppl change like weather..
hot n cold..
gd luck everyone..
=)
be happy ya..